I don’t have a typical job. I designed my life this way. I wake up at 4 am every morning and write. I struggle. I drink coffee. I watch the sunrise from my desk. I write and then delete it. I go for a walk. I come back and write again. I am a writer. I decided to fully step into the life of a professional writer about seven years ago. I don’t have to leave my couch if I don’t want to. I don’t do hard labor, but I work hard. Most don’t see it this way. Most think I sleep in, watch tv, go for a brunch with friends, write a simple article, press send, and then pop a bottle of Merlot at almost 5 pm. Most hate me for this version of my life that they think I have.
Do they know? Do they know that some days I just stare at the cursor against the blank page for hours? Do they know that this is a skill that I have cultivated, studied, and practiced for more than two decades? Do they know the mental anguish that it takes to submit words ripped from your soul? Do they know that to let these words free into the stratosphere, not knowing how and or where they will exactly land is excruciating? Do they know that we doubt every sentence? fear rejection? fear every subject that pops in our heads begging to be brought to life? Do they know how lonely it is to be trapped in a world that doesn’t exist yet but will once we create it? Do they know that writing is hard work?
I am not a genius, but I do have a genius. He taunts me, motivates me, and sometimes doesn’t show up. Elizabeth Gilbert said it best in her Ted Talks.
It's hard to follow your hearts calling to do or be something that others do not understand. It's hard work to create something and hope that it will land on the ears of the ones that need to hear it or learn from it. It's a leap of faith. A jump from the cliff hoping that your net will appear. It's a life that most do not understand. It's hard work and worth every moment.
To all you writers out there. The ones that hear a poem roaring across the land calling your name to allow it to come to life. To the ones early in the morning or late at night answering a whisper that only you can hear. This one is for you.